Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes

I never expected to see the

Will Rogers

I would talk in iambic pentameter

Howard Nemerov

Why don't you get out of

Robert Benchley

People always ask me, 'Were you

Ellen DeGeneres

The last time I saw him

Fred Allen

Expert: a man who makes three

Laurence J. Peter

I spent a year in that

George Burns

Everything that used to be a

Bill Maher

I wish I had the nerve

Paul Lynde

Be obscure clearly.

E. B. White

Never fight an inanimate object.

P. J. O'Rourke

Every dogma has its day.

Anthony Burgess

I was a vegetarian until I

Rita Rudner

When we talk to God, we're

Jane Wagner

I grew up in Europe, where

Eddie Izzard

I'd like to kiss ya, but

Bette Davis

I'm thankful for the three ounce

Paula Poundstone

I have six locks on my

Elayne Boosler

There's nothing wrong with being shallow

Dennis Miller

I recorded my hair this morning,

Jay London
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