How does one know if she has forgiven? You tend to feel sorrow over the circumstance instead of rage, you tend to feel sorry for the person rather than angry with him. You tend to have nothing left to say about it all.

In this quote, Clarissa Pinkola Estés explores the emotional process of forgiveness and how one can recognize when it has truly taken place. She suggests that when you have forgiven someone, your feelings towards the event or person shift from rage to sorrow, indicating that you no longer harbor anger or resentment. The emotion of sorrow reflects a deeper, more compassionate understanding of the situation, which replaces the initial hostility or bitterness that often accompanies an unforgiven wrong.

Estés further explains that after forgiving, you may feel sorry for the person who wronged you, instead of remaining angry with them. This shift shows that forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean excusing or condoning the behavior, but rather experiencing a form of empathy and understanding for the person who hurt you. It’s about releasing the emotional grip of anger and allowing yourself to feel more compassion for their circumstances or struggles.

The final part of Estés' quote—“You tend to have nothing left to say about it all”—suggests that forgiveness brings a sense of closure. Once you have forgiven, the need to revisit the situation, to discuss it, or to hold onto grievances dissipates. The absence of words in this context signifies that the emotional weight of the issue no longer occupies your mind, as true forgiveness frees you from the cycle of remembrance and emotional pain.

The origin of this quote is rooted in Estés' work as a psychologist and author, particularly in her book Women Who Run with the Wolves. Her approach to forgiveness focuses on the healing power of self-awareness and emotional transformation. Estés believes that forgiveness is a key aspect of personal growth and freedom, allowing individuals to move past past hurts and create space for healthier, more compassionate relationships.