There are four stages in a marriage. First there's the affair, then the marriage, then children and finally the fourth stage, without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.

In this quote, Norman Mailer, an American novelist and essayist, offers a provocative and cynical view of marriage and its stages. He humorously suggests that there are four stages in a marriage, beginning with the affair, followed by the marriage itself, then the arrival of children, and finally, the divorce. Mailer implies that the process of truly understanding a woman—and, by extension, a marriage—is not complete until it reaches the point of divorce, which he suggests reveals the truth about a relationship. This statement plays on the idea that marriage is not a linear or predictable journey, but rather one that involves complexity and transformation.

Mailer’s perspective reflects a somewhat pessimistic view of marriage, implying that the challenges of a relationship—ranging from infidelity to parenthood and ultimately divorce—are integral to the full experience of understanding one’s partner. The mention of the affair suggests the initial thrill and excitement that can come with a relationship, which may evolve into the more mundane aspects of marriage and the responsibilities that come with raising children. However, he argues that it is only through the divorce stage that one can truly comprehend the dynamics of a marriage and relationship.

Mailer’s statement also points to the idea that divorce, often seen as a negative or final stage, is actually the point at which deep understanding occurs. He suggests that this phase, marked by separation or the end of a romantic relationship, may uncover the complex truths of a person and their experiences within marriage. This observation is both a critique of traditional views on marriage and an acknowledgment of how relationships can evolve and change over time.

The origin of this quote comes from Mailer’s characteristic provocative style and his often controversial opinions on relationships and gender dynamics. As a writer, Mailer was known for his exploration of the complexities of human relationships, particularly in the context of gender and marriage. His work often reflected on the power dynamics within these structures, and this quote encapsulates his belief that marriage, with all its stages and eventual dissolution, reveals essential truths about both individuals involved.