In a bad marriage, friends are the invisible glue. If we have enough friends, we may go on for years, intending to leave, talking about leaving - instead of actually getting up and leaving.

In this quote, Erica Jong reflects on the complexities of staying in a bad marriage and the role friends play in providing emotional support during difficult times. She describes friends as the "invisible glue" that holds people together when they may otherwise consider leaving their unhappy relationship. Jong suggests that, even though individuals in a bad marriage might talk about leaving, it’s often the presence and emotional support of friends that keeps them from taking the final step.

Jong highlights how friends can act as a kind of emotional lifeline, offering comfort, advice, and a sense of connection when a marriage feels isolating or unsatisfying. These external relationships may prevent individuals from taking action on their own desire to leave, as they provide the emotional support that may make enduring the marriage more bearable, even if it's only temporary. The quote hints at the psychological tension people may experience between the desire to escape and the safety of familiar, albeit unsatisfactory, circumstances.

The phrase "talking about leaving" speaks to the stagnation that can occur in a toxic relationship. While the idea of leaving may be discussed repeatedly, it often remains just talk, as the individual may not have the strength, resources, or confidence to make a definitive change. This underscores the emotional trap that a bad marriage can become, where the person feels stuck in a cycle of dissatisfaction but is unable to break free.

Ultimately, Jong’s quote is a commentary on the complex emotional dynamics that keep people in unhealthy relationships, with friendship serving as a crutch or emotional barrier to actual change. It draws attention to the inner conflict between the desire for a better life and the fear or inertia that prevents people from leaving.