I can say that I never knew what joy was like until I gave up pursuing happiness, or cared to live until I chose to die. For these two discoveries I am beholden to Jesus.

The quote "I can say that I never knew what joy was like until I gave up pursuing happiness, or cared to live until I chose to die. For these two discoveries I am beholden to Jesus" by Malcolm Muggeridge reflects a profound shift in his personal beliefs and perspective on life. Muggeridge suggests that true joy and meaning in life did not come from the pursuit of fleeting happiness or external success, but rather from a deeper, spiritual understanding of life and death. His choice to "give up pursuing happiness" and "choose to die" metaphorically refers to abandoning self-centered desires and embracing a more selfless, spiritual existence.

Malcolm Muggeridge, a British journalist, writer, and social critic, was known for his conversion to Christianity later in life. This quote illustrates a key moment in his spiritual journey. Muggeridge reflects that true fulfillment came not from seeking worldly happiness or success but from surrendering to a higher purpose, which for him was found through his faith in Jesus. His "death" was symbolic of dying to his old, selfish ways of thinking and living, and embracing a new life in Christ.

The phrase "gave up pursuing happiness" suggests that Muggeridge recognized that the relentless search for personal gratification often leads to emptiness. In contrast, by choosing to die to the ego and focusing on spiritual growth, he found an inner joy that transcended the fleeting pleasures of life. His experiences led him to conclude that fulfillment comes from a deep sense of purpose and connection to something greater than oneself.

In essence, Muggeridge’s words highlight the paradoxical nature of spiritual fulfillment. By letting go of the constant chase for happiness and surrendering to a higher calling, he discovered a deeper sense of joy and life. His conversion to Christianity and these realizations are central to his spiritual testimony, which he attributes to the transformative power of Jesus.