Usually, you don't have commitment promises in a friendship. Usually, it just grows.

In this quote, Sheila Heti reflects on the organic nature of friendship, highlighting that true friendships don’t typically require formal commitment promises. Unlike romantic relationships or professional obligations, where clear expectations and promises are often established, friendships tend to develop naturally over time. Heti suggests that a strong friendship grows through shared experiences, mutual understanding, and emotional connection, without the need for explicit commitments or agreements.

Heti’s perspective also implies that friendships evolve at their own pace, often without the pressure of defined roles or expectations. The growth of a friendship is something that happens gradually, based on trust, consistency, and the comfort of being around each other. There’s a fluidity to friendships that allows them to develop in ways that feel effortless, without the formalities that might be expected in other types of relationships.

The quote also suggests that the lack of commitment in friendships can be a strength, as it allows these relationships to be more spontaneous and unstructured. Without the burden of promises or obligations, friends are free to simply enjoy each other’s company and evolve together as individuals. Heti contrasts this natural development of friendship with more rigid or pressured forms of commitment, suggesting that the best friendships are those that are allowed to unfold without artificial constraints.

Ultimately, Heti’s words highlight the simplicity and freedom of genuine friendships. She advocates for a more relaxed and organic approach to relationships, one where the connection deepens through time and mutual care, rather than through predefined promises or expectations.