Things go bad after a divorce and often stay that way. It is rare for the parties to return placidly to a time before they met. A bitterness lingers on. Those who call this our Independence Day, fantasising of returning to a never-never time before they married, when they were free, easy, single, and master of their fate, are delusional.

In this quote, Howard Jacobson, a British author, reflects on the emotional and psychological aftermath of divorce. He suggests that after a divorce, the parties involved often struggle with lingering bitterness, and it is rare for them to return to a state of emotional peace or happiness. The reference to "Independence Day" points to the idea that some people fantasize about returning to a time before their relationship, believing that they were free, easy, and in control of their lives when they were single. Jacobson critiques this idealized view, arguing that it is unrealistic and delusional to believe that life can return to a perfect, pre-marriage state.

Jacobson's comment underscores the complexity of human relationships and the fact that, after significant emotional events like divorce, people are changed. The idea of returning to a time of complete freedom and being "master of their fate" is a romanticized fantasy that overlooks the growth, experiences, and emotional evolution that come with being in a committed relationship. Divorce, in his view, does not simply reset the clock to a happier, carefree past; instead, it leaves behind emotional consequences that shape a person’s future.

The origin of this quote lies in Jacobson’s exploration of human nature and relationships, which often feature prominently in his literary work. His commentary on divorce and the idea of returning to a "golden age" before marriage reflects his understanding of how personal history, emotional experiences, and the passage of time shape our perceptions of freedom and happiness. Jacobson’s cynical tone reflects his belief that romanticized nostalgia for a carefree past is often a form of denial rather than a realistic path forward.

In essence, Jacobson’s quote critiques the notion that divorce marks a return to independence and freedom, a time when one was carefree and in control. Instead, he suggests that divorce often leaves behind unresolved emotional complexities, and those who long to return to a pre-marriage state of freedom are deluding themselves. The quote emphasizes that emotional growth, while sometimes painful, is a necessary part of life after significant relationships, and the idea of returning to a simple, unburdened past is a myth.