If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.

The quote "If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult" by P. J. O'Rourke humorously comments on the dangers of excessive drinking, especially in youth. O'Rourke, known for his witty and satirical writing, uses this statement to critique the consequences of alcohol consumption. He suggests that indulging in excessive drinking at a young age can negatively affect one's health, mental clarity, and even lead to weight gain, all of which are commonly associated with adulthood.

The quote plays on the idea that the carefree and energetic nature of youth contrasts sharply with the inevitable physical decline and responsibilities that often accompany adulthood. O'Rourke’s use of humor emphasizes how habits like excessive drinking can prematurely burden young people with adult-like issues, such as deteriorating health and a slower, foggy mind. In essence, he's saying that drinking too much too early brings about the negative side effects of aging, thereby turning someone into an adult much sooner than they might like.

By saying "turn you into an adult," O'Rourke is subtly pointing out that adulthood often involves facing the consequences of poor decisions, which include health issues and the loss of youthful vitality. This aspect of the quote critiques not just alcohol but the broader concept of maturity—that adulthood often brings with it the need to sacrifice youthful pleasures for more serious and responsible choices.

Originating from O'Rourke's satirical style, the quote serves as both a warning and a commentary on societal expectations. O'Rourke uses humor to stress that the freedom and vitality of youth should be preserved and that indulgence in alcohol may accelerate the inevitable slide into the more burdensome aspects of adult life.