I think for a lot of people, friendship is a relationship that gets devalued once they move on to what people consider to be more important relationships: once you find a partner or when you have kids.

In this quote, Hanya Yanagihara reflects on how friendship often gets devalued in the face of other relationships that society considers more significant, such as romantic partnerships or parenthood. She points out that once individuals find a partner or have kids, they tend to shift their focus away from their friendships, which are often seen as less essential in comparison to family bonds or romantic commitments.

Yanagihara highlights the societal tendency to prioritize certain relationships over others. In many cultures, romantic relationships and having children are often viewed as milestones or achievements that define one’s life. As a result, friendships can be sidelined, even though they are an important source of emotional support and connection. This devaluation suggests that people sometimes underestimate the long-term value and importance of friendships in their lives.

The quote also points to a shift in how people allocate their time and energy. As individuals transition into roles of partners or parents, their priorities often change, leaving less room for the nurturing of friendships. Yanagihara seems to be critiquing this tendency, urging a reevaluation of how we value and maintain different types of relationships in our lives.

Ultimately, Yanagihara’s statement serves as a reminder that friendship plays a crucial role in personal well-being and should not be neglected. While romantic and familial relationships are important, friendship provides a unique kind of emotional fulfillment and support that is essential for a balanced, fulfilling life.