"Being a blockhead is sometimes the best security against being cheated by a man of wit."

"We pardon to the extent that we love."

"It is with true love as it is with ghosts everyone talks about it, but few have seen it."

"We may sooner be brought to love them that hate us, than them that love us more than we would have them do."

"The sufficiency of merit is to know that my merit is not sufficient."

"I travel around the world constantly promoting my projects and endorsing products. Yes, I do get paid to go to parties in fact, I'm the person who started the whole trend of paid appearances. But when you see me at a party, I'm always working or promoting something."

"Yeah, I spent about 20 years in a dorm room. It took me a while to graduate."

"My dad liked to boil a squirrel head and suck the brains out the nose. Smaller than a chicken, bigger than a rat."