"It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?'"

"After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations."

"Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself."

"I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended."

"Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry are two of the hottest girls in the world - and so normal and funny with it. If I was a few years older they are the kind of girls I'd like to date. I want a younger version of Cheryl and Katy - a mixture of the two would be hot."

"Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny."

"We sometimes laugh from ear to ear, but it would be impossible for a smile to be wider than the distance between our eyes."

"It is characteristic of all deep human problems that they are not to be approached without some humor and some bewilderment."