"I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes."

"What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin."

"You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike."

"I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous."

"The best method for preventing destructive cult involvement is preventative education. If students and the public at large are more aware of destructive groups beforehand they may better understand and resist their recruitment efforts."

"For my senior year, I'm home schooled. It's working well with the acting. Juggling school with the acting is hard, but you know, what can you do?"

"I am a firm believer in education and have worked very hard to tell young Latinos that they must go to college and that, if possible, they should pursue an advanced degree. I am convinced that education is the great equalizer."

"I want to go to college and go back to Georgetown. It's a really cool place."