"Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed."

"To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it."

"I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny."

"You know what's funny to me? Attitude."

"True wealth is not measured in gold, but in the belief that a single moment of clarity can change a lifetime."

"Hollywood is so fake and people need to realize that people are just people, and you, too, don't need to be born into something or have money or have whatever product someone is hawking on you."

"After 'The Real Thing,' I thought about giving up acting because it's difficult to have a rich life outside your work when you're an actress, a private life that can survive being picked up and put down. That's what I thought, anyway."

"We're an air bag society that wants guarantees on everything that we buy. We want to be able to take everything back and get another one. We want a 401-k plan and Social Security."