Jealousy - that jumble of secret worship and ostensible aversion.

In the quote "Jealousy - that jumble of secret worship and ostensible aversion," Emil Cioran delves into the complex and contradictory nature of jealousy. He suggests that jealousy is not just an emotion of resentment or envy, but rather a combination of two opposing feelings. On one hand, jealousy is rooted in a secret worship, where the person who feels jealous admires or desires the object of jealousy—whether it's a person, achievement, or status. On the other hand, it manifests as aversion, or a desire to distance oneself from the object of jealousy, often due to feelings of insecurity or competition.

Cioran's phrase highlights the internal conflict that jealousy creates. It is an emotion that pulls the individual in different directions: on one side, there's a deep admiration or yearning, and on the other, there's resentment or hatred. This paradox makes jealousy especially painful and difficult to manage, as it involves both attraction and rejection of the same object. The jealousy feels torn between admiration and disdain, creating a psychological tension that is hard to resolve.

The use of the word "jumble" suggests that jealousy is a chaotic and disordered emotion, one that doesn’t make sense even to the person experiencing it. Cioran is highlighting the irrational nature of jealousy—it doesn't follow a clear or rational pattern but rather feeds off a mixture of conflicting feelings. This inner turmoil is what makes jealousy such a powerful and destructive emotion, as it undermines both the individual’s peace of mind and their relationships with others.

Ultimately, Cioran’s quote presents jealousy as an emotion that reflects deeper issues of desire, self-worth, and insecurity. It’s not simply about wanting what someone else has, but a complex blend of admiration and resentment that can be both self-destructive and alienating. Through this lens, jealousy is not just a negative emotion, but a symptom of inner conflict and an inability to reconcile one’s own desires with one’s sense of self.