Each couple's version of intimacy is so fascinating to me. A friend will tell me about her marriage, and I'll think, 'Yikes, they have horrible communication! They're going to get divorced!' And then I'll hear about them at another time and think, 'Wow, they love each other so much!'

Miranda July’s quote reflects the complexity and variability of intimacy in relationships. She expresses her fascination with how each couple develops their own unique form of intimacy, which can often seem contradictory or difficult to understand from the outside. The quote illustrates that relationships, particularly marriages, can appear vastly different depending on the perspective or the moment, revealing how dynamic and multifaceted human connection can be.

The mention of communication in the quote highlights how this central aspect of a relationship can shape perceptions. July reflects on her initial reaction to a friend’s marriage, where she perceives poor communication as a sign that the relationship might not last. However, her changing perspective later, where she witnesses the same couple expressing love for one another, reveals the fluid nature of relationships, where one moment of conflict doesn’t necessarily define the entire dynamic.

July’s observation also touches on the subjective nature of understanding other people’s relationships. From an outside viewpoint, we can easily misinterpret or judge a couple’s behavior based on limited information. However, intimacy and love are often more nuanced than they seem on the surface, and even moments of tension or misunderstanding can coexist with deep affection and connection.

Ultimately, the origin of the quote lies in July’s curiosity about the different ways that intimacy plays out in people’s lives. It speaks to her understanding of how relationships are not static but are constantly shifting and evolving, shaped by communication, experiences, and the deep emotional ties that define them.