As a young man you don't notice at all that you were, after all, badly affected. For years afterwards, at least ten years, I kept getting these dreams, in which I had to crawl through ruined houses, along passages I could hardly get through.

In this quote, Otto Dix reflects on the long-lasting psychological impact of his experiences, particularly from his time as a soldier in World War I. He explains that as a young man, he didn’t initially recognize the extent to which he had been affected by the horrors of war. However, years later, he began to experience vivid dreams of crawling through ruined houses and narrow passages, which symbolize the lingering trauma and psychological scars left by his wartime experiences. The dreams highlight the way that trauma can manifest in the subconscious long after the physical conflict has ended.

Dix’s words suggest that post-traumatic stress can often be underestimated, especially when one is younger or in the immediate aftermath of a traumatic event. The idea that it took him at least ten years to fully grasp the emotional and psychological toll he had suffered speaks to how trauma can be delayed or suppressed. His dreams of crawling through ruins serve as a metaphor for the difficulty of dealing with such trauma, as well as the feeling of being trapped or constrained by one’s own experiences.

The origin of this quote comes from Dix’s personal experience as a war artist and soldier. Known for his brutal and raw depictions of the realities of war, Dix was deeply affected by what he witnessed during the war, and his art often reflected the devastation and psychological torment experienced by soldiers. His work is known for its unflinching portrayal of the harsh realities of war, and this quote sheds light on the personal, emotional toll such experiences took on him.

Ultimately, Dix’s statement underscores the long-term effects of trauma, particularly for those who have been through the atrocities of war. His quote serves as a reminder that emotional and psychological scars are not always visible or immediate but can resurface years later in dreams or memories. It speaks to the complex nature of healing and the importance of acknowledging the emotional consequences of traumatic experiences.